This photo means a lot to me. The moment was so surreal and beautiful that got me teared up, counting every blessings that I have and being so damn grateful that I’m breathing and alive.
People who know me now wouldn’t have guessed that I almost ended my life 10 years ago – except my close friends who knew what happened. I’ve been wanting to share my story with people who may resonate and needed to hear what I’ve got to share… but it sure took me long enough to get past my fears and worries that I’ll be judged. So, here’s my story and I’m ready to share with whoever is ready to read what I’m about to share. There’s prolly a message for you from here and hopefully it may help you in one way or another after you’ve done finish reading the post.
Have you, too, poured your heart and soul into a relationship/person so much that it hurts you so terribly when things made a wrong turn? I sure did.
I wouldn’t dwell deep into the relationship details, but I’m sure some of us will encounter a toxic relationship once in our lives… And this was one that I encountered – it almost cost me my life.
Till today, I could still remember clear as day all of the emotions that I’ve felt that night. The amount of tears that I shed, the negative thoughts that were going through my head, those hurtful messages that left me feeling like a terrible person which I knew deep in my heart that I wasn’t… and the penknife that was just one step away.
Yes – I did took that step forward, and I did picked up that penknife. With the blade pressed on my wrist, I was pretty much ready to bleed myself to death. Then, I heard a voice in my head.
“This is not it.”
– Voice in my head
“This is not the end.”
“It’s only just the beginning of a new chapter in your life.”
Images of people who truly loves me came running through my head, and I saw how sad and hurt they could’ve been for a foolish action that I’d make for a person who isn’t even worth or wouldn’t even feel a thing if I were gone.
In today’s world, I’ve read or seen news reporting people committing suicide for breaking up with the person that they loved and the rate of suicide for love is increasing as well. I could resonate with what they could’ve been going through, but still I wished they hadn’t taken that step because life isn’t just about that one person who we thought or referred to as our world. It’s just a meaning we gave to them – but we may have simply given them too much of a meaning in our lives.
There’s so much more in life that’s installed ahead of us and I wished that they knew.
Though for a few more years after that night, life wasn’t as smooth sailing as I hoped it would be… And I wouldn’t lie to you, there were times I did felt like giving up and wondering if I should’ve taken that step to end all the “misery” that life was throwing at me back then. However, later I learned, life isn’t always smooth sailing, there will always be storms and sunshines.
The ups and downs are a process for us to grow as a person. Through them, we will develop our own unique problem solving skills and character.
Nothing lasts forever – be it the good or bad. The good ones can be kept as memories which we later reminisce; The bad ones can be an amazing lesson or opportunity for us to grow and transform into a better version of ourselves.
It’s about how you perceive the difficult times/downs in life that makes the difference.
Looking back now, I’m grateful to that voice which saved me from acting foolishly.
I wouldn’t have been to places, experiencing all the amazing things that life has got to offer and becoming the person I am today.
Have faith and trust in the process.
The way I did it and managed to persevere on was letting myself deep dive into self-help books. Don’t underestimate the power of self-help books. By reading them, will help opening your eyes to many new perspectives and allowing you to understand that the things that happen in your life are actually happening for you and not to you. (Yes, you prolly got to let that digest a bit. When I first heard, it took me a while to fully understand what it meant.)
But of course, you must first learn to stay open and be willing to learn.
Then, put what you’ve learned into actions.
Earlier I mentioned that for a few years, I was still not in a better place. The book that brought me out of the negative state and opened my eyes to the Source (which I will share more in another post) that is greater than life was Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I would recommend reading the book then watch the movie.
Do something that will change the energy and divert your attention from the negativity.
Even on the good days, I still read them and allow myself to become a better person each day. It may sound cliché, but it’s true. Once my perspective starts to change and get out of the “victim” state, things start getting better and better.
Sometimes, the best transformation comes from the toughest times in life.
Just like how a caterpillar transforms into a beautiful butterfly.
Be brave and have courage to face the challenges in life as they are meant to help us to “level up” ourselves and allow us to be ready to face the next chapters.
An end to a chapter, is merely a new beginning for the next.
There’ll always be light at the end of the tunnel;
– Kallivanter
The time of the night will not last forever as the sun will always rise again the next day.
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